My brain says no but my pants say off.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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