i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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