One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
