Do you still have your period?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize