plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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