I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
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so let's talk penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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