I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
