Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize