I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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