I'm going to rape someone's good day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
