The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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