I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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