there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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