just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
