she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
