I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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