And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
