so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
