i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
