Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
