I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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