I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
