Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
