Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
