he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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