the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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