cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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