using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
