It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
