i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
