We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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