Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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