And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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