i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
