Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
