im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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