i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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