I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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