Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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