Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
