Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
