I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
