I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
