You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
