my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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