??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
