Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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