god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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