my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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