u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As shirtless as possible
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
