No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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