Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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