i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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