I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
