I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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