Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
