just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
