New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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