____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You work out of a Hotel?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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