i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
