You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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