i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
